So after feeling very down and depressed yesterday, I woke up tired but so much better today. I felt something again. My arms are the only proof of my little “get away”, but that’s another story.
As I said in my post yesterday, I had hoped we could go back to “normal” after the weekend. I didn’t expect him to text me today, or if he did I thought it would be awkward after our let out. At 6.30am I got a text from him, in which he wished me a nice day. I texted back, giving him the opportunity to start a conversation. And he did. So we texted back and forth the whole day. Pretty much back to normal. The conversation yesterday has stuck in both our minds though.
At first I wanted to know why he was so eager not to lose me again. I mean, we’ve “known” each other for 15 years, but never talked that much over a long period of time. What changed his mind? I asked him and he said “because I want people like you in my life”. Aww.
In the evening we came back to the topic of kissing. I told him to stop talking about it and he asked me why.
Me: Because I’m not allowed.
Him: You are allowed. Actually, it’s me that isn’t.
Me: Well, I may be allowed, but I also have to deal with the after-effects.
Him: Hm… okay…. but.. hmm..
Him: Forget about that again.
Me: What? Tell me what you wanted to say.
Him: I want to kiss you, but I can’t.
Me: Kenny… you know that I really want to, but I can’t separate this.
Him: I know… but… you don’t buy a car without trying it out, do you?
Me: No, but I also don’t buy a car that is still in use by someone else 😉
Him: *lol* there would be a transition-free transfer.
Me: Aha?
Him: Not?
Me: I don’t know. I have my car from a mechanic.
Him: Me, too. I know, we need to talk about this some time.
So that is a whole new story. It’s the first time he even talked about – firstly – that he is not allowed to actually kiss and – secondly – the opportunity of us getting together. Like. Serious. I am not a fan of this, don’t get me wrong. But it has changed something in me that it wasn’t just fun for him either. I will not get my hopes up, but I’ll just keep going and see where this leads us. I am not very happy about his idea of getting out of his old relationship and getting into the new one right away. Because I feel like he should take a risk, if he really doesn’t love his girlfriend anymore and wants to give us a try. But as he said, we need to talk about that some time.
I’m confused.
diary of a tight-lipped girl. 
It’s hard to forget about something like this! I just think that you shouldn’t wait around for him. At the end of the day his is loving life atm because he has you and his gf waiting around for him
I’m not at all waiting for him. I’m living my life and if he ends up being in it, so be it. But I am definitely not hanging onto the hope of ever getting any kind of love from him.
That’s good then. I know how you feel its always hard especially when they pop back into your life and start playing with your emotions which is horrible