I am ridiculously tired, since I got out of the night shift this morning and have slept a grand total of 2 hours today, but I need to type the events of today up, because I wanna remember them as detailed as possible.
I mentioned in my last post that the possibility of dating my work colleague Scott had arisen. Things got pretty heated up after our last shift together a week ago. We started sharing more private matters and I noticed the looks he gave me at work. He searched for my eye whenever I entered the room. And just overall I got more attention than I did before. But I still wasn’t sure what was going on. He started saying things like that he enjoys my company at work and bumping into me a lot more than he used to, searching for physical attention. He also just let me know by texts that he is interested.
When we had our report at work, we always tried to get the same patient, because it would give us an extra 15minutes 1-on-1 or so together. The first time I then sat really close to him, touching his arm. At first he took it away until he realised I was doing it on purpose and left it there. He later told me by text, that he had really enjoyed it. Then last night and this morning it was on his term that he got really close and touching. At one point he put up his hand and I realised he had wanted to hold my hand until he realised we were at work and therefore not allowed to do so (our work colleagues don’t know anything yet). We shared a lot of longer looks than before and one of our colleagues (and also a good friend of his) noticed and started making comments. We just ignored them, because we had been putting up with things like this before we even had one thought about getting to know each other.
Things were hard for me at first because for me it always seemed there was a work-colleague Scott and the one I was texting with. I was not able to mend them together until we got physically close (even though it was just touching our arms).
Today I mentioned that the weekend was gonna be hard, since we’re both busy and can’t see each other till Tuesday when we see each other daily this week (even though just for a few minutes). That’s when we originally had set a date after our group meeting. He asked to see me privately several times in the last week, and I offered Tuesday.
So when I said it was gonna be hard this weekend, he mentioned that we could probably see each other tonight before he had to go pick up his parents if I wanted to. I said that would be awesome, but knew in that exact moment it was not a good idea, because it would make the weekend even worse.
Long story short, we settled on him coming over to my place at 7.30pm. He picked me up and we drove to the lake side. At first we just sat in the car talking, because it was raining. When we didn’t know what to do, I said I actually still would like to go on a walk and so we did. Nothing had happened thus fur, we talked, we punched each other a few times… just the simple things we had been doing for a while now. When we got back to his car we stood in front of it… it was probably around 8.30pm by then and we knew he had to leave an hour later. We talked and just stood close, but no touching whatsoever. At some point I just hugged him, because… well I wanted to. I knew he wanted it, too. I’m not sure whether it’s shyness or simply uncertainty that he’s not making the first step, but from then on we talked, holding hands or hugging. We got closer and closer, him putting his lips to my forehead, me stroking his head (until we both almost fell asleep, since we have been sleep deprived for a while now due to our different day-night-schedule). There were several situations we could have kissed, but I wanted him to take that step. At one point he looked at me for a good 10-15 seconds and I then had to look away. I know it could have happened then, but it’s just so hard with him. He confuses the hell outta me.
Well, then he all of a sudden hugged me with his arms under mine (which is weird, since I’m quite a bit smaller than him) and I had my arms around his neck. And then I figured, what the heck and kissed him. I knew he wanted it and I just kissed him, and we didn’t stop for the longest time. No tongue however, which is new for me. He has the softest lips ever, so it was a really lovely kiss and my stomach kept fluttering on and on.
So yes. I don’t know if that makes us official or if we just keep on doing this. We have talked about how it’s hard to date in his home town, because all our work colleagues live there and I live 30 minutes away. But he just said he doesn’t really care, which I do believe. But we still want our privacy and we know they’ll make comments ALL the time once they find out. Although the ones being a bit brighter than others have picked up on the little things we’re doing (such as me giving my car to him last night).
Well,… by 9.45pm he said that he really needed to go (should have left at 9.30 anyway) and apologised, which was so cute. I knew all along that he had to leave, so I was fine by it. And he asked to see me on Monday night after my late shift, so we’ll see. Latest will be Tuesday and then, maybe, if he wants me to, I’ll sleep over 🙂 but we’ll see.
I’m very happy about this. And just now as I was typing this up I realised I never even thought about P. This is the first time since I started dating him last August, so that’s nice. And Scott does make my stomach flutter and I was SO nervous before we met. I’m just so happy, he is such a nice person. He also let me know how sad he is that I am leaving, when he’s the one leaving earlier. Logic. But I’ll move away so I guess that’s one reason plus I’m leaving for 2 months, which might be another issue. Haven’t booked it yet, so we’ll see. For now I’m just gonna enjoy what we have, whether we’re official or not. I don’t care. I just feel good and safe with him, and that’s all I need.