I didn’t want to make a post, but then I figured, you guys will not hear from me in 2 weeks, so why not one last update before I leave for holidays tomorrow?
The last few days it has been on my part again to start the conversation. He does show interest, but he’s not keeping it up constantly, which is totally fine.
After he’d sent me a really cute picture last Wednesday, I sent one back on Thursday – figuring I could be mean as well. Although I did not know if it would have the same effect on him – I doubt it. I didn’t hear anything for the longest time and then got a “thanks 🙂 “… well that was a disappointment. I had hoped to get something… anything.
The conversation then led to me going away. He didn’t know how long I’d be away, so I told him when he asked. He did say “and what am I gonna do without you?”, which would have been cute if I hadn’t known it was not a flirt-try. I just said ‘the same thing like the last few weeks’ and he simply said “no” and didn’t answer when I asked what he was planning to do then.
I woke up around midnight after that and got mad when he hadn’t replied and said “party party, finally she’s gone”, he found this funny and said he wouldn’t do that because he was too old to party (since when?!). So I asked again what he was planning to do without me and he said “sleep”… I didn’t understand, because it’s not like he couldn’t sleep because I held him awake with phone calls or anything. I did ask again, but didn’t get an answer apart from “I can always sleep”, but no answer to what he’d do when I’m away or what he meant in the first place.
Last night I went out with the girls from class.. I got really upset by the evening, since everyone was drunk apart from me and I texted him. He was somewhat chatty again, but then all of a sudden stopped any sort of conversation since then. I didn’t text him again so far. Don’t know if I will before I leave tomorrow. He knows I leave, so it should be his part, right?!
However. I went to our first dating place today. It was… weird. At first I got all nervous before I got there, but once I stood there, I got calm and felt at peace. I just sat there for a while, enjoying the sun, the sound, the wind, just everything. I remembered things that I had forgotten about our first date. I realised how much of the scenery I did not take in, because I was so fixed upon P back then. But when I realised that I could not sit there forever, I got all sad. I did not want to leave, because to me it felt like leaving him behind. Leaving that last chance to find back together behind. Remembering also made me hope for reliving them at some later time and place.
I am terrified of what may come whilst I’m away. I know that some distance will do us good – especially him. He wants to get away, and that’s what he gets now. I wish he would find back to me though, that he misses me or rather us. I know his emotions are still there, but he just hides them and pushes them away whenever they turn up. I don’t know if I will ever see him again, I do not want to give up and driving away from our dating place made me realise more than ever. I can’t just give up. It hurt so much to give up on a idea of us somewhen being together. I hope he’ll keep his promise to meet up. I hope once we stand in front of each other, our spark will be “relit”. But not seeing each other for even longer isn’t exactly helping the chances of me to get him back to me.
I just hope the distance will help us and not bring us even farther apart.
But we will see.