Bad things first, Dodo still doesn’t seem to have understood to leave me be. Saying I was outraged would be an understatement. My mother was actually by my side when I read his last message and she laughed her ass off about me freaking out about it. Dodo has texted me on Tuesday, saying he would really like to increase the contact again. I didn’t react, because.. why would I? I have told him 3 times in the last couple of weeks to decrease the contact, so he doesn’t get his hopes up. I’m not sure how else to tell him, because he just doesn’t seem to understand, because yesterday afternoon he texted me: “Hey, are you busy tomorrow? Would you like to meet up?” I didn’t reply for two reasons: One, because I don’t think he will ever understand, how ever many times I’m gonna tell him that it is over. Two, because I didn’t want to ruin my mood for the date with Stan. A few hours later he just sent a questions mark. I didn’t reply again. THEN he texted me again today, asking if everything was okay with me and I just plain out wrote “Yes, everything’s great with me, but you could just accept what I told you!”. He was quite set back by this, but maybe he understands now?! (I don’t really think so, I do expect him to ask again what he did wrong in the next few days!)
Now to the better part of yesterday. I met Stan! Just a quick side note, I was chatting with him in my lunch break when we somehow came to the topic of children. Now I have always wanted children young. But just a few weeks ago I actually thought how I would react, if I ever had to date someone who already has a child. I came to the conclusion that I probably wouldn’t be that upset, I’d just be sad not to get that first experience with my partner together. You know? As you all might have guessed already, Stan is a father. I was actually sitting at the table and was waiting for any reaction from myself. None appeared. I was just okay with it.
Anyway, so we decided to meet up at 7pm near my house. I wasn’t sure where exactly he meant to meet up, so that’s why I turned up “late” (like 3 minutes) when I saw him behind another car and had to walk all the way there. First thought was “wow he’s tall!”.. like, he is really tall! As in 6’1” (I’m 5’6”). He is pretty much a whole head taller than me, if not more. I knew how tall he was before we met, I just totally forgot about how tall it actually is. Second thought was “I really have never met him before” (we both thought we had seen each other before, but that was not the case so I am confused about that). He was smoking – which I also totally blacked out.
We said hello and talked a bit and then went into his car to drive to the open air cinema. Now the fun part was, I totally misunderstood him when he asked about this. There’s a cinema near my home and one a bit further away. I totally thought we’d go to the cinema near my home, so I am glad he asked to pick me up. That would have been weird if I showed up at another place than him.
Long story short, we were 2 hours early to the movie. Before we actually met I was scared. 2 hours is a long time if you don’t get along. If the movies starts, you at least don’t have to talk. You get me. But we had a blast and it was really funny to chat with him. I also punched him like half an hour into the date, because he was teasing me all the time. When the movie started I did notice that he would lean towards me so our arms were always touching. But I’m probably really just imagining it, because the chairs were quite close to each other. By the second half of the movie, he was freezing so I gave him my blanket to cover up, which was really cute. Well, about 15 minutes before the end, he was saying something and I – for some reason – put my head to his shoulder… and just left it there. It didn’t even take him like 2 seconds until he put his head on mine. So we cuddled a little, which I really enjoyed.
So yeah, I thought we’d go to the cinema and that’s it. But… no! He asked me if I would like to go grab a drink, so although I was shattered (I had been awake for 19 hours by then) I said yes. So we went to a very crowded and loud pub. I didn’t like it too much, because we couldn’t really talk because of the loud music and there were so many drunk people around. But we stayed for about an hour I think and at some point I did think that he probably wanted to kiss me. But he didn’t. He also took my hand when we got out through the crowd, which I really liked, although it was weird because I have only known him such a short time.
Anyway. So we went back to his car and he drove me back home. We were by my house at 1am I think. I didn’t really know how to say bye so we were teasing each other again and at some point I just jokingly got out of the car. He came to hold me and we ended up talking till 2.30am until he said that he was really tired and wanted to drive home. We hugged goodbye and I went home.
So. No, there was no kiss. There wasn’t even close to a situation where we could have kissed and I am very happy about this. I just wanted to have a normal date for once and I think that’s what I expected from a 31yo. I texted him saying thanks for the evening. Somehow we got into a conversation about how the evening had been and he said that I was really hard to read. He told me that he knows I enjoyed the evening but isn’t sure about where I want this to be heading. I asked him what exactly he meant with this and he just said “well either friendship or friendship with emotions” and I asked if he really couldn’t tell. So he then said that he probably could.
The last message then let me melt (and consider the time of 3.15am!): “Honey, you’re really cute and I have gained a very positive first impression of you! :-* good night” I’m not sure why I find this so cute. Well yeah, it’s because when we were talking outside the house he already said “you’re really cute”, not in a way that it was obvious but just casually between other sentences and I just really liked that.
So yeah, that has been my first date with Stan. I do hope and think there are others to come. Not this weekend for sure, as he’s busy for the rest of the weekend but I am looking forward to really getting to know him. He’s a cute one 🙂
But he did text me saying “I did tease you a lot.. but in mind I always thought about how cute you are. And I have the strong urge to see you again, so yes I do like you a lot.” He is very hard to read, so this was kind of a surprise to me as he’s not one to share his feelings until now. He also told me that he was teasing me so I would punch him and getting closer to him. Asking why he did that, he said because he likes cuddling up with me.
The thing is… I really love this whole dating him. I am just so scared that things will turn out the same. That I am telling myself that I am crushing on him (or so my friend said today, when I talked about the date) and then realising too late that it isn’t really love. So I really want to take things slow, but I’m not sure I could deny a kiss from him if he were to kiss me now. Probably not. I also am scared that after what happened with Dodo, I won’t like the kissing. It’s weird, because Dodo really has been the first one in my whole life I didn’t like to kiss although I liked him.
I’m just overall freakin scared out of my pants. Excuse my rambling.