Jason is a guy I met on a community and we got to know eachother somewhen in July 2012. I guess he fell for me, although we’ve never met in real life, because he lives like 9000 miles away. I then had a thing going on with Bear and he got all jealous and suddenly stopped talking to me. We didn’t talk for nearly half a year, he then started flirting with me again. In April 13′ he told me that he was just fooling around and he’s actually dating someone. (July 2012 – April 2013)

Update on past guys.

I was just going through  my overviews of guys and I felt the need to update you guys on every single one of them:

Jason – the one who lives 9000 miles away? – … after he was mad at me for cuddling with Bear at the end of August, we didn’t talk for about half a year I think. Suddenly in the beginning of this year, he started flirting with me again. Saying that I should come over and what else. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but oh well. Just a few days ago, he then told me that he wasn’t actually serious about it. That he had been hardcore flirting with every girl and he now deleted his profile, as he’s dating a girl and he doesn’t want to see her those things. I’m not so sure what to think about this, but well.. it’s fine for me.

As mentioned above, Bear. We haven’t talked in a while and I don’t think I will like.. get close to him ever. He did let me stay in his friend list on facebook when we was deleting a bunch of people off, which of course made me happy. But we don’t talk too much anymore. I MIGHT see him at the end of August again, but it’s a big festival so I might as well not bump into him. I wouldn’t even know what to do, so that’s okay.

The guy from the past? Amm… I don’t even remember when the last time was that we texted. It’s just so irregular and when he textes me, he usually is horny and wants me to come over, which will never happen. So yeah.

Kitty and I haven’t spoken in like a month or more. Even when he textes me, we can’t keep up a conversation, which makes it difficult. And I’m not really interested anymore anyway, so yeah. That one’s long gone, too.

On the other hand, Kevin has moved back from the ‘past guys’ to the ‘current ones’. I’m not sure why. I think his time abroad helped a little. Anyway, we’re talking again on a more or less regular basis and we get along perfectly. We still argue from time to time, but he apologized for making me angry about me job (although he keeps making fun of it)… but other than that, we’re on good terms. We’ll see if we ever date or what. Also he told me yesterday when I sent him a picture of me and my nephew (I kissed him on the cheek) that he’d turn his head 90°… so I was joking around “you’d break your neck!”… but yeah, he wanted to say that he’d kiss me. Which was a little awkward at first.

Then there’s Nutsy *sigh*. While I was on holidays last months, he texted me. He never textes me unless he’s bored. So I asked whether he was bored, and he was like “yeah, why?”.. so I told him, that he never ever textes me unless he’s bored. This made him quite angry and he hasn’t talked to me since.

Sir Neo… it’s not really about him but his best friend. I haven’t talked to Sir Neo for like a year or so. I don’t really miss him though, because now I see what kind of person he is. Which is very different to what I thought he’d be like. Anyways, so there’s that friend of his, I always thought of being very nice. But now I know why they’re best friends. He’s just as much a dick as Sir Neo is. So that’s crossed out on my list for sure.

We’ll yeah… and Gohan, Josh and the rest I haven’t mentioned. I’ve never talked to them anymore (and neither have they).


Guys, guys..

I’m a mess. Literally. So my schoolmate (Bayne) and I went swimming yesterday. Guess what? His sister didn’t show up. So I was back to normal, but it doesn’t explain any of my weird thoughts.
I really do love spending time with him. And when we went swimming yesterday I finally had to give in and notice that I COULD imagine kissing him. But nevertheless, I do not think that’ll happen.

On another note: There’s that guy at work. I’ve seen him the first time a week ago, when I went home. I smiled at him, cuz I’m that girl. A day later I saw him again. We somehow just couldn’t look away. We both were in conversation with our friends but we starred at eachother. This made my heart race.
How could life be any other way? I didn’t see him again and I don’t even know his name. I told a friend and we now have a bet about my finals mark. If I’m better than a certain grade, I have to talk to that guy. So I told my friend that he’s real cute, but he should get his beard trimmed. Guess who I saw today without a beard? Right. We looked at eachother again. It’s weird. I COULD find out his name, but then what? I have access to his (email) address and whatelse, but that’s kinda creepy, right?

On an even further note, Jason and I have been flirting again. I could totally imagine to visit him and I think we would end up in bed together. I’m not sure why, it’s just a weird intention and I kinda miss flirting with him..


Weird, as soon as I start blogging again, old boys are coming up again.

I texted Jason yesterday about his new pic which looks lovely. Well, I told him exactly this. He then private messaged me, that I STILL should come over. Go visit his country, the friends I have there… and I guess.. him.
After ignoring me for 3 months most of the time, he suddenly wants to meet me? Why is that? Because I told him he looks gorgeous on that picture? Or because he knows things didn’t work out with Bear? I don’t know.

Also I texted the guy from the past because it was his birthday on Saturday, so I congratulated him on that. We then started to chat and well… didn’t take him more than 3 messages to ask me for a date. Again. Wondering if this one will work out, but I’ll let you guys know.

When I felt a little lonely last weekend I started to comment on a few guys pictures on a dating platform. I got 2 numbers, but those guys are WEIRD. So I told one of them that I want kids, so he was like “yeah me too. But when we have sex, I want to use birth control the first time”.. like, what the fuck? Why would you say something like to someone you just met the SAME DAY? I didn’t even think about MEETING him. Aaaaawkwaaaard.

I’ll keep you up to date.

show your emotions, baby!

Long time no see! Well, that’s because nothing much is going on, really. Gohan asked me to come over again yesterday, but I declined because I simply do not want him to think that he can ask me whatever day and time it is and I just follow his wishes. Also I was exhausted, so I really wanted to stay home for a day. Although I did miss him.

I told my brother and his girlfriend about him, and they asked me both “so is he your boyfriend or what?” and I really couldn’t answer their question. I mean, we’re kind of in a relationship, but I guess he still doesn’t want to make it official… which is totally okay for me, I just want to be able to answer my brother’s and MY question with a simple “yes” (or no). I mean my friends call him “friend with benefits”, which might just be the case. But I don’t like to label something when emotions are involved.

It’s weird. I texted him once this week: “hey I like you” and all I got was “dito”. I know that he has feelings for me, too, otherwise he wouldn’t act like he does, but I got a little mad over the lack of emotion he shows. He’s the one who can talk about his feelings, not me. So I was a little depressed about that. He made it up in telling me that he got horny after thinking about our night *laugh* so I keep teasing him about it.

But right now I’m quite busy with my nephew’s birth anyway, so I don’t care too much. But this might be another reason that we haven’t talked as much as we have before. I told him about my wish of children, and I KNOW that he’s not ready and he doesn’t want to have children yet, which is totally fine. It just makes me kinda sad, because I always wanted to have children young. But I’ll somehow deal with it. And for now, I have my little nephew to take care of.

By the way, I’m going out with Mr. Cucu again in two weeks. I’m excited about it, for whatever reason. It’s nice to know that nothing has changed despite the fact that Gohan is in my life. I still feel like myself, unlike all the other times I had a boyfriend. That’s cool, right? Jason has been talking to me again, although we’re still pretty distant. But it’s an improvment nevertheless.

A little update…

..just so you know I’m still alive!

Nothing has happened really. I texted Josh several times, just to receive more or less one-word-replies, so I gave up on this one. It’s not quite as hard as I thought it would be, I mean it was all cute when we used to write, but we didn’t match that good to be sad about being dumped, really. We had a fun time, I guess that was it. At least he’s a good guy and does answer, although he does let me feel that he’s done with us.

Jason keeps making comments about me, without mentioning my name – as if I wouldn’t notice. He also keeps getting wasted every weekend now, but I actually don’t give a fuck anymore. I know he’s childish, but I didn’t think he’d react like a 6-year-old to what I’ve done. And I do answer to every message he sends me, so we haven’t talked in a while.. guess he isn’t up to it anymore. Oh and by the way, I will definitely NOT go to his place on Christmas, because my friend now has a boyfriend and whatever. I might go on holidays with Mr. Cucu instead – yes he is still alive and still in MY life. I was quite surprised when he offered to go on holidays with me when we watched a movie yesterday.

Okay this turns out to be an update on everybody I ever talked about on here, so let’s be clean and do EVERY single guy: Sir Neo apparently has a girlfriend now, although I do not know for sure. I couldn’t care less either, because he didn’t feel the need to ever write again. So that’s okay. The guy from the past is ignoring me, too. I texted him a week ago. He did reply, but just once. So I was like “well then, don’t talk to me!”, didn’t make a change either.

Bear hasn’t messaged me yet either. Me neither. I could text him tonight, like I usually do.. but I think I will actually wait till he’s up to writing with me this time. I still would love to see him and see how we match in real life, without being drunk and stuff, but it’s okay if he doesn’t want to. And I don’t want to make him feel weird around me. I am surprised that we still do talk though, I would’ve never guessed so after that weekend. But there has to be SOMETHING he’s interested in, otherwise he’d just ignore me. Right? I don’t know, he’s weird.

I’ll just stay forever alone in the mean time *sigh* or maybe I magically get to know a boy who’s actually interested and not making a huge mess outta everything. I did meet a cute guy at work, but I feel like a total creeper to add him on facebook, so yeah…

date tomorrow!

Oh wow, my health is a pain in the ass and I got sick just yesterday.. like the kind of “I can’t get up longer than 5 minutes”-sick, which probably upset me even more than being sick at all. Nevertheless, I called in sick for work today, so I could get some rest so I’d be able to actually go to my movie date tomorrow. I also postponed my movie night with a friend today, so I could go to bed early and get some more rest.

I texted Josh about me being sick and he was like “now you gonna cancel our date :-(” and I was like “no way, if I can get up, I will.. question is, whether you’re okay with having a date with a sick girl!” He still says I have to be back to normal by tomorrow, which will most likely NOT happen. But we actually settled for a time, so things got real 😉 I still can’t shake off the feeling that he will message me tomorrow, saying he’s not gonna be there, though.. but I dunno. He is a cutie, but we have huge differences in our opinions.. which isn’t a bad thing, but I have to see how things are going tomorrow. I mean, if he’ll meet up with me again after having a FIRST date with a sick girl, he definitely is a keeper, right? Maybe it’ll be just a one-time-thing though, but why not? There’s nothing to lose..
One good thing about being sick? He will not try to kiss me and risk to get sick himself, right? So I/we won’t rush things – who says that’s gonna happen anyway? We’re gonna watch a horror movie, which.. yeah men and their imagination. But I’m alright 😛 I’ll update you guys on Sunday.

Bear hasn’t messaged me again after the last time. It’s really funny how he started messaging me more often, once I ignored him. Men are obvious when it comes to those things, aren’t they?
Jason is a pain in the ass being the jealous one but treating me like shit. So I deleted all of our messages and he now is being the hurt one again. Whatever. I’m so over trying to save him from pain and not telling him I’m dating again. He treats me like shit, well boy, you better not complain about me again.

update on Jason

Paty reminded me, that I might wanna update you guys on what has happened with Jason in the meantime.

So let’s start at that particular evening when I met Bear 2 weeks ago. I was with my friend, while I discovered Bear being with another girl and my friend asked me to drink with him and make some party. Well, after I saw Bear with that other girl, I wasn’t in the mood to party at all and I knew, if I’d started to drink, I’d might end up wasted without any memory of this evening. So I simply told my friend that I’ll go back to our tent and go to bed. He agreed on going back – I guess he noticed that I wasn’t okay – and we kept watching people being drunk and passing our tent.

I sat in my chair and I texted Jason at that moment. Maybe my hugest mistake. I didn’t tell him what was wrong, I simply told him that I was pretty sad and I needed someone to talk to, because I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I didn’t mention Bear at all. When I returned from the festival I told him that I simply had a bad night and that I was sorry for bothering him. His answer: “Are you still my facebook-girlfriend?” so I guess he kinda knew what had happened. A few days later, I wrote him an email, where I explained that I met a boy, that I cuddled up with him all night and that I was depressed, because Bear dumped me. He didn’t say much about it, apart from that he had known that my behaving was about another boy already when I texted him that night…

Things have gotten awkward between us ever since. He didn’t respond to my emails anymore, neither to my messages. At some point I simply apologized for having another boy. I wrote him a pretty long email, trying to explain my feelings and the situation between Bear and I.  “Don’t feel bad. We just felt differently about each other and that’s ok. Shit happens, right?” – his exact words. He said that I didn’t do anything wrong, because we were only in a fake-relationship. I tried to explain, that I felt the same about him before this weekend. That I did feel something for him, and I wanted to try once we meet. But I also told him that I didn’t let myself to get my hopes up, because we wouldn’t know how a real date would turn out and whether or not we’d get along. I told him that I don’t think, things would work out with Bear,.. but I didn’t want him to feel as a backup-boyfriend either.

I tried to going back to how we used to be, but he wouldn’t allow it. I kept messaging him about daily stuff, I kept writing him e-mails but he won’t answer. So yeah, I pretty much gave up on it. I also told him, that I’m still planning my trip to his place (country) and that it would be his choice whether or not he wanted to meet me. But to be honest, I’m not even planning it. Like, I would love to go there of course and my friend still is up to it. But I don’t think it’ll happen. He didn’t answer to the message either,… He once asked whether I have been talking to Bear after the festival and I was honest and said, that we still do talk, but that I’m not thinking that things will work out with him. Didn’t answer. I just said, that I wanted to be honest with him right from the beginning. I mean I could’ve hidden this whole story pretty easily, but I know that I’d felt really bad about it and that’s why I told him. He kept saying that he’s glad I was upfront with him. He said that I didn’t cheat on him, because we aren’t together for real.. but I know that he feels like it nevertheless.

So we pretty much don’t talk to eachother anymore. He does write me every other day, but he won’t keep up a conversation. So I’ll just leave it at that. He started drinking again – which he never did. So I’m not sure how to feel about it. I guess it’s what I get for being honest. But I let it be his choice, whether to talk to me or not. I’m responding, whenever he messages me. Which is rarely compared to before-the-weekend, but it’s okay. I hurt him and I get it. Now I have to suffer from my own mistake and I’m blaming nobody but myself.