Life is really weird right now. I’m talking like.. reeeeally weird. I haven’t yet figured out what it is, but something is off. But let’s go through some things that have happened since my last post (I just realised that it has only been a week… how?.. what?!)
1) I didn’t see Ken. Things have been absolutely weird with him. He didn’t talk to me on Friday, as I mentioned and I think it was on Sunday we talked about this whole thing. It literally was a huge misunderstanding. I haven’t changed my mind about not getting into a relationship with him, but there’s something about him. Long story short, he has said that he will get his walls up again so I don’t see his feelings (which doesn’t really work, but we’ll let him believe so). He is still telling me that he likes me. But then again is talking about just being friends. BUT is really jealous when I told him about meeting a guy the other day. What?!
Also this last week something has happened, that has really caught me off guard and I was literally crying all day for no reason. The first person that came into my mind? Ken. What?!… so yeah we are talking. We are fighting. We are flirting. It’s a cycle and yes, I do enjoy it somehow.
2) My ex, Momo, has texted me the other day. I was just messing around with some guys when I saw a number popping up on my phone. Now let’s make something clear: I never ever delete numbers, unless I am super angry. I didn’t even think about the ex when I opened the message, but then saw his picture. Well. He was trying to have small talk. When I cut him off, he texted me on Wednesday “would you like to meet up?” and I was like “why the hell would I do that?” I’m gonna type his reply out:
“Because you are still on my mind. And even if I doubt that there will ever be more than friendship, I’d like us to try.”
It was in the middle of the night. I read it probably about 30 times and there was just one thing on my mind: W.T.F.??? Ermm… no?!
So I went back to sleep and replied the following the next morning: “You can get that thought out of your mind right now. Too much has happened. And I am not yet ready for a friendship. I am not okay with ignoring what has happened.. once more. I am still too hurt and too angry with you” to which he replied “I understand. No I can’t, even if it seems like that. Wish you just the best”.
What did I just read? So this was a thing. I was actually happy, finally getting it off my chest. But then today schoolmate F (who’s a good friend of Momo (and used to be my best friend)) texted me. At some point he asked whether I was angry with him and I told him that I was really annoyed with his reaction in January. Long story short, he said that Momo was regretting what he’s done and he was still in love with me and would like to see me and what not. So I just told him that it was way too late for anything like that.
I am just angry about how they could even think that I’d give this relationship another chance? How dare you come after 6 months (!!!!) and act like nothing happened, asking for yet another chance? How dare you think I would even think about that? I have given you way too many chances to make things right. And with these little sentences you showed me just once more that you have not changed a bit. Not even now.
Anyway.. too much of the depressive sh*t.
3) I bumped into Gohan yesterday. It was really weird and made me way much more happy than it should have. I was searching for a bus on the train station, when I saw a guy coming towards me. I wasn’t 100% sure if it was really him, but then he looked up and I waved. He came straight to me, hugged me (a bit too tight) and was really happy. Like. I could tell he was happy. He told me that he was in a rush and what I was doing, so I told him what I was searching for. He was actually taking his time to show me where the bus was waiting and made sure I got on the right bus. Like. Wow. We talked like we did when we used to date and when he had to go, he hugged me again. Not like a friend would hug me though. He was caressing my back, hugged me for like 10 seconds (so it didn’t really make it a “goodbye-hug”, ya know?!) and went off. I just sat there and was thinking about the time we dated. What made me fall in love with him the first time. I was also thinking about texting him but then decided against it. Soon enough I got a text from him “really cool to see you!” and I replied saying that it felt really good to see him, too. I actually miss dating him, is that weird?