guy from the past

The guy from the past is a friend of mine I met on a festival, but knew of him because of a community. We once made out in 2007 – but I forgot about it because I was really drunk. We then met up again on a party in 2011, but we were both wasted, so ended up being split. He then kept hitting on me and asking to come over, but I never did, because it seemed like he only wanted sex. Somehow though, he has something I really liked about. Up to this date we have not seen each other again, although we somehow both wanted to at some points of our lifes. (2007- July 2013)

drama drama baby.

There literally is ONE word to describe the last weekend of mine: drama.

I was really looking forward to the weekend, because Dino would be spending 4 days with me. Also I knew he would spend 3 nights in the same tent as me, so I was a little over excited about that. Like I told you in my last post, on Sunday the week before he dry humped me and just hit on me quite obviously. So I was expecting that something would happen this weekend. Well, he more or less continued where he left the week before, so we were joking about having sex together and what not. The first night, there was a couple in a tent near us, who had sex and the girl was moaning. So we started laughing, but we both got horny. Didn’t do a thing about it though. The day after he said, that he needs to get me into a certain situation so that he would sleep with me. We somehow ended up talking about what we’re into, and he said that I’m a softy, while he really isn’t. He also told me that he’s not one for one-night.stands usually, but he’s had 2 years of heart-break so he doesn’t want a relationship at all. Blahblah. Somehow he ended up telling me that he needs to find a girl for that night and I was like: “well go ahead, I won’t hold you back.” Sure as hell I was jealous, but what could I tell him?

Anyhow, Saturday night we were out alone because we lost the other guys, so we ended up going out for a drink and dancing. He started talking to me like, that he really likes me as a friend and that he’s not sure whether he would want to sleep with me and therefore ruin what we have. That he doesn’t want a relationship and he thinks that would hurt me and what not. I mean he was right. But when he asked me whether I’m okay with it I said I don’t know. I really don’t know what I expected. I just love to hold him and squeeze him and tickle him, because he hates it. But he has the worst mood swings ever – just like me. So this morning we woke up and ended up fighting and I stayed back to have a cry. That’s how much I’ve gotten to like him.

I just… I’ma little lost right now. I’m not sure whether I will EVER see him again. I even invited him over to my place, which.. I never do. But oh well.

Apart from that, I should’ve met the guy from the past, but he decided to just not reply to my text messages anymore, so that was a big failure. BUT I bumped into Bear and it was real fun, because once I was gone, he hit on me again on facebook. But we didn’t cross each others way again, so yeah.

Other post coming up tomorrow about Steve.


things go as expected

… or maybe not.

I was just laying in bed, not being able to sleep (well it’s 9.30pm, but I’m lonely, so I rather sleep).. when I noticed that I haven’t updated you guys on the situation with Steve and the other guys!

I had ‘the’ talk with him last Sunday. He asked AGAIN to see me on Sunday, and I told him that I’m really not into meeting everybody every other day. I think he was a little disappointed but he also said he could just shut up and I should ask for a date whenever I want to see him. This made me kinda sad, because I knew he wouldn’t be happy with the situation so I said that he can ask, I’ll just not say yes every time. He was understanding though, which lifted a HUGE stone from my stomache.

I think a day later or so I told him that I’m in his town on Thursday and Friday but he said he was busy both days, so I was kinda sad – but still knew that we could meet up on Saturday or Sunday. He then told me that he’s gonna go to a festival, which means he’d be out from Friday to Sunday. Well well girl, that went wrong! HOWEVER… Tuesday evening he told me that he would have time on Thursday, so we settled for Thursday. My schoolmate was with me, and I was kinda anxious because I’m super awkward around my schoolmate 😛 it all went well though and they got along quite good. After a couple of hours my schoolmate left, and I spent another few hours with Steve. Before we met, I was a little scared, after our ‘talk’ we had on Sunday. I wasn’t the nicest person. I told him that I’m not sure I’ll be able to have a relationship with him – just because I’m not good at relationships. I also said that I’m not sure that I’ll get feelings, but other than I expected he said that we should just stick it out. Like, continue the way we are and just see where it leads us. We both don’t really know what we’re feeling right now, but we just decided to give it a try. We both know that either one could get hurt, but that’s life… so yes. That was unexpected!

Anyway, so now it’s the day after. I’m sitting here with hickeys on my neck and I’m missing him terribly. I won’t hear much from him the next few days. I’m not jealous though, which is weird. I know that he could get any girl, but I don’t know. I don’t really care, even if he did. As long as I don’t know. I just miss him. I’m home alone, my mom is out and I feel SUPER lonely.

Funny fact: I’m always referring to him as my boyfriend when someone asks. So that’s weird.


On a whole other behalf: the guy from the past texted me last week. Well, no I texted him because I had a question, and we somehow ended up talking all night. He asked me over and I said I don’t want to drive there (it’s a 1-hour-drive) in the middle of the night and that I’m tired. So we settled for the day after – he wasn’t that well and asked me to meet up. Stupid me agreed, so yeah. But the day after I woke up feeling SO terrible. Like, I just knew I couldn’t do it. Not for the sake of me, not for the sake of the friendship with the guy from the past and least of all because I felt unfaithful to Steve (ALTHOUGH it was BEFORE our talk!). So I canceled the date. He didn’t make that much of a big deal. Today he asked again. I said no. He started to make me feel bad – or at least he tried, because it wasn’t working. I think the only reason I said yes last weekend, was because I was in such a dilemma with Steve. But now I’m a lot more confident with the situation. I see Mike and me working out. Somehow. It’s weird but yes. OH and by the way, I also asked Mike whether it’d be okay to see other guys and he was like “why should I be angry about that?”…back to the guy from the past – right now I’m just angry, because he’s acting like a total moron again. He got under my skin last week, because he’s suffering from a burnout. But I had to notice today that he’s not that bad. Because if he really wanted to see me THAT badly, he’d come over to my city, and wouldn’t ask me to go to his HOUSE all the time. So I told him off. Again. And he was pissed.

Kevin asked for a date. I’m not sure whether he was serious, but if he was, I’ll see him tomorrow. So that’ll be interesting. (Showing up on a date with hickeys on your neck – good job girl!)


So that’s my life as of lately. So many guys, so little time and so much confusion every other day. But for now I actually AM happy with Steve. Although he still tries to make my mom notice (those hickeys are hilarious!), but he’s so much better with the ‘clingyness’ now. Oh boy.

boys boys, you drive me crazy.

Man I’m starting to go freaking crazy here! So the thing with Bayne.. I still don’t know. I WISH it would work out, like we’re seriously planning on moving in together once he’s done with the army (so that’s in like 1 year or something). As I’m going to school for the last day tomorrow, we’re also planning on meeting up weekly, which I didn’t believe would ever happen, because as I said, he’s going to the army, which leads to him being home just for one day a week, and he wants to spend it with me? Well then! Come at me bro! 🙂

Now, on other terms I’m going fucking crazy about guys. So there’s Kevin. Or there has been. We have been on better terms again and I actually thought about meeting up with him, so I asked him yesterday. All he had to say? “Now it’s too late” and I was like… “well, okay then”. I was FURIOUS  let me tell you, but what else should I have said? Now guess what his response was!!!? “See, and you not complaining is just proving it”. Boy, what else should I have said? Should I have begged for you to meet me? Nope, that’s so not me. So I’m still quite angry at him and I haven’t talked to him since. He has messaged me 3 times since then, so he might regret what I said. But seriously boy?

Then there’s Pat (the one with the two names, ya remember?)… well, he has been reeeaally weird, too. Out of nowhere he was like “so when are you coming over to cuddle with  me?” and I was like “what the hell is wrong with you?” He never even mentioned anything similar to that, so it caught me off guard. And that’s what I told him, so he was just like “well, I can’t always talk around it, now can I?”.. YES YOU CAN BOY! Man. Haven’t really had a conversation with him either.

Then there’s another guy, Steve. I have been talking to him for a while now, and the first thing he’s said to me was that he’s all into sex and one-night-stands. I’m not sure why we kept chatting, but well we did. So from one moment to the other he was like “no, you’re cute. I wouldn’t use that against you.” Yes, as if you would change your whole thinking, because I’m ‘cute’ and different. I haven’t decided yet whether to trust him or not, but I might actually go on a date with him. I dunno, he has kept texting me, however bad I treated him. He know that I’m not sure about it though, so that’s fine.

ALSO the guy from the past has messaged me again (on Saturday night 3am… guess that’s more than enough to say!). Not sure why, but we’ll see. Hasn’t answered again, but that’s okay. He said he would like to live with me (and my cats), so that’s okay.

This all sounds like I’m having an exciting life, but I don’t really. I’m just mad at Kevin, but that’s okay. We’ll see. I might text him. Tomorrow. Or maybe in 2 months. Just to teach him a lesson (as if).

Update on past guys.

I was just going through  my overviews of guys and I felt the need to update you guys on every single one of them:

Jason – the one who lives 9000 miles away? – … after he was mad at me for cuddling with Bear at the end of August, we didn’t talk for about half a year I think. Suddenly in the beginning of this year, he started flirting with me again. Saying that I should come over and what else. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but oh well. Just a few days ago, he then told me that he wasn’t actually serious about it. That he had been hardcore flirting with every girl and he now deleted his profile, as he’s dating a girl and he doesn’t want to see her those things. I’m not so sure what to think about this, but well.. it’s fine for me.

As mentioned above, Bear. We haven’t talked in a while and I don’t think I will like.. get close to him ever. He did let me stay in his friend list on facebook when we was deleting a bunch of people off, which of course made me happy. But we don’t talk too much anymore. I MIGHT see him at the end of August again, but it’s a big festival so I might as well not bump into him. I wouldn’t even know what to do, so that’s okay.

The guy from the past? Amm… I don’t even remember when the last time was that we texted. It’s just so irregular and when he textes me, he usually is horny and wants me to come over, which will never happen. So yeah.

Kitty and I haven’t spoken in like a month or more. Even when he textes me, we can’t keep up a conversation, which makes it difficult. And I’m not really interested anymore anyway, so yeah. That one’s long gone, too.

On the other hand, Kevin has moved back from the ‘past guys’ to the ‘current ones’. I’m not sure why. I think his time abroad helped a little. Anyway, we’re talking again on a more or less regular basis and we get along perfectly. We still argue from time to time, but he apologized for making me angry about me job (although he keeps making fun of it)… but other than that, we’re on good terms. We’ll see if we ever date or what. Also he told me yesterday when I sent him a picture of me and my nephew (I kissed him on the cheek) that he’d turn his head 90°… so I was joking around “you’d break your neck!”… but yeah, he wanted to say that he’d kiss me. Which was a little awkward at first.

Then there’s Nutsy *sigh*. While I was on holidays last months, he texted me. He never textes me unless he’s bored. So I asked whether he was bored, and he was like “yeah, why?”.. so I told him, that he never ever textes me unless he’s bored. This made him quite angry and he hasn’t talked to me since.

Sir Neo… it’s not really about him but his best friend. I haven’t talked to Sir Neo for like a year or so. I don’t really miss him though, because now I see what kind of person he is. Which is very different to what I thought he’d be like. Anyways, so there’s that friend of his, I always thought of being very nice. But now I know why they’re best friends. He’s just as much a dick as Sir Neo is. So that’s crossed out on my list for sure.

We’ll yeah… and Gohan, Josh and the rest I haven’t mentioned. I’ve never talked to them anymore (and neither have they).

Guys. No.

I haven’t talked to Gohan ever since. I told him that he has no right to ask me about my boyfriend. Haven’t heard from him since. And I’m not even remotely sad because of it. This whole thing just showed me, how much of a failure a relationship would have been.
Since then I met a new guy. But he’s weird. Always asking for attention and whenever I don’t build up his self-esteem, he’s pissed off. So he said something like “you’re not serious about dating me” so after a few days of playing along, I simply said “well if you think so..” He hasn’t really talked to me since either. I guess I’ll continue to be single for a looooong time.
The guy from the past hasn’t texted me either. But I’ll go on another date with Mr. Cucu next week so I’m really looking forward to that.
Fuck men. Seriously.
Another New Year’s Eve all by myself. Yay.

What a dickhead!

Guys, you will not believe what happened. I am beyond furious – on the other hand I’m glad it’s finally over.
So I texted Gohan on Sunday, right? I told him that I couldn’t go on like that and that I don’t see us working out blahblahblah. So 3 days later (today) he finally had the gutts to answer. He went blahblah I’m glad you told me blahblah we had an awesome time blah lah… And then he’s telling me he only wanted fun anyway?! Seriously dude? You made such a drama when I ignored you for a DAY. You made such a big deal when I went abroad and asked to see you again without any intentions. And now you’re telling me there were no feelings involved??!! Fuck you. Just fuck you, dude. I hope to never ever cross paths with you ever again because you’re a fuckhead. That’s what you are. “I thought that was clear”. Yeah I can read your mind. Oh and don’t tell me you didn’t have any feelings because I actually can tell apart whether I’m friends with a dude or more. I know when someone has a crush on me. Just fuck you dude. For being such a fucker.

Anyway so on Monday I texted a few guys to get my self-esteem back. Guess who I might date after Christmas? The guy from the past! He asked me out again. And yes I know he only wants sex. But honestly? Right now I don’t give one single fuck anymore. Just fuck this shit.

A little update…

..just so you know I’m still alive!

Nothing has happened really. I texted Josh several times, just to receive more or less one-word-replies, so I gave up on this one. It’s not quite as hard as I thought it would be, I mean it was all cute when we used to write, but we didn’t match that good to be sad about being dumped, really. We had a fun time, I guess that was it. At least he’s a good guy and does answer, although he does let me feel that he’s done with us.

Jason keeps making comments about me, without mentioning my name – as if I wouldn’t notice. He also keeps getting wasted every weekend now, but I actually don’t give a fuck anymore. I know he’s childish, but I didn’t think he’d react like a 6-year-old to what I’ve done. And I do answer to every message he sends me, so we haven’t talked in a while.. guess he isn’t up to it anymore. Oh and by the way, I will definitely NOT go to his place on Christmas, because my friend now has a boyfriend and whatever. I might go on holidays with Mr. Cucu instead – yes he is still alive and still in MY life. I was quite surprised when he offered to go on holidays with me when we watched a movie yesterday.

Okay this turns out to be an update on everybody I ever talked about on here, so let’s be clean and do EVERY single guy: Sir Neo apparently has a girlfriend now, although I do not know for sure. I couldn’t care less either, because he didn’t feel the need to ever write again. So that’s okay. The guy from the past is ignoring me, too. I texted him a week ago. He did reply, but just once. So I was like “well then, don’t talk to me!”, didn’t make a change either.

Bear hasn’t messaged me yet either. Me neither. I could text him tonight, like I usually do.. but I think I will actually wait till he’s up to writing with me this time. I still would love to see him and see how we match in real life, without being drunk and stuff, but it’s okay if he doesn’t want to. And I don’t want to make him feel weird around me. I am surprised that we still do talk though, I would’ve never guessed so after that weekend. But there has to be SOMETHING he’s interested in, otherwise he’d just ignore me. Right? I don’t know, he’s weird.

I’ll just stay forever alone in the mean time *sigh* or maybe I magically get to know a boy who’s actually interested and not making a huge mess outta everything. I did meet a cute guy at work, but I feel like a total creeper to add him on facebook, so yeah…