I’ve just returned home from 5 days at Scott’s house. We worked 4 shifts together and had one day off. Now our schedules are off again till… I don’t even know. We’ll have next weekend off together, which is really nice. But everything else just sucks until August (because then our planner knew that we’re together and tried to put us in a similar schedule).
However, the 5 days have been amazing. We never fought and just talked things through, spent time together. We just… lived.
It’s incredible how he makes me feel. Like he gives me so much importance with the little things. Not only does he tell me that he likes me, but he also just lets me know that he needs me. What he likes about me, about the little things you know. He keeps on saying “you’re the best thing that could have ever happened to me“. I’ve never heard this before, so genuinely nice and honest. Like I do believe him when he says that. I have no doubts about us or the relationship. For example we’re booking 2 weeks of holidays in September tomorrow,.. and even with Momo when I’ve been with him over a year, I was hesitant to book holidays for the fear of us breaking up. I don’t have that fear with Scott even though it’s still 3 months away. I’m not even worried about me moving away in a year and this putting a toll on us.
He keeps telling me how happy he is that I made the first step(s). Because we don’t know if things would have progressed like this otherwise. He also told me that he probably wouldn’t have started dating me, if I had already booked my holidays with Mr. Cucu. Just a lot of things that have lined up to what we have now.
And also ever since we started dating, the subject of a wedding plus children have been present. At first I didn’t know if he even wanted children at all and some day last week he suddenly said “maybe something else should be in your tummy” (I think we’ve spoken about food). I just looked at him, when he said “I really can see myself having a family with you, it’s crazy”. Or “when it happens, it happens”, when just 3 weeks ago he was super shocked when I said I wouldn’t get an abortion if I’d get pregnant. We’ve talked about it again today, and said that once I’m done with my studies (so 3 years from now), we might start a family. Everything is just so clear to us, it’s weird. Like, we’ve never really talked things through, but it was obvious to both of us, that it would start once I’m done with my exams. Like, I guess we’d start earlier if I wouldn’t start the studies next year and didn’t have time for a child,.. but oh well.
He also all of a sudden said “but you know, I’m pretty vintage when it comes to life”. As in: he wants to marry first and then have children. To which I simply said “well you know what to do then”.
We just talk about everything and it’s so nice. I can be silly with him at all times and he is rarely upset with me (there are moments, but that’s fine). He also asked if we could go over to his parents’ (they live in another country) so they get to know me and when I said “sure” he was really surprised.
Apart from our holidays in September, we also will spend a weekend abroad in July already. You know. We do things together and everything is just so easy with him. I never realised how easy a relationship could be and I still am surprised at how well it works. Like, him making an effort as well. I’m not used to this, because before it was always me. And he just said “well I’ve had a girlfriend for 7 years, I know how a relationship works”. Honey, I don’t, though.
I would be lying if I’d say I’m not scared of messing things up. But the feeling is much less than I’ve ever had before and since he gives me security all the time, thoughts like that don’t even come up. Like last night I got really upset about something and I usually get super quiet. He asked what was wrong and I just said nothing. He then just said what was going on in my mind, because he can read me so well. And he made me feel better afterwards. And us being able to read each other so well,… makes everything a lot easier.
Also, I have a picture of him (from behind) as my lock screen. Since nobody ever looks at my phone, I didn’t care. 2 days ago I wanted to show a work colleague a picture and he accidentally locked my phone and wanted to unlock it again. Then he looked at the picture and was like “that’s… Scott?!” (they still don’t know about us)… and I burst in laughter whilst Scott looked at me shocked. He is now making comments all the time, but it’s actually kinda funny.
Excited for the future.