Before my mind is all fogged with other things, I wanted to type out what has happened over the last week and yesterday.
As I mentioned in my last post, I told P how I felt about him not taking any care of our friendship. Since I didn’t get an answer to my very long text message, something in me ‘broke’. Not in a bad way, but I realised that I finally will be able to let go of him for good. I know my last post sounded very hopeful, but I think that lasted about a day and then I was done with this catch-me-if-you-can-game. I knew that if he ever returned, I’d be open for giving it a try. But I was done chasing for his attention and anything else. I did not text him again. Of course he was on my mind every now and then, but busy work fortunately has kept my mind off him mostly. And left me exhausted in the evening, so that I went to bed around 9pm and no time for overthinking either.
Surprisingly I had no problems not texting him this time. This is why I know I was able to make a cut for real. It was so hard for me over the last 2 months when he started to retreat, but now I was just done fighting for something that was one-sided. I didn’t hear from him at all. Yesterday morning he texted me a picture, that – probably – should have been funny. It read: “Once upon a time there was a prince, who proposed to a very beautiful princess. She answered: NO!!! .. and then the prince lived happily ever after, did whatever he wanted to do. THE END.”
I guess y’all know that this was somewhat just awkward. I know it’s his kind of humour and he’s sent me things like this before. But in this current situation it was just wrong and I’m not sure what he had expected to get from it. There was radio silence for 8 days and then that’s what he sent without any comment. I just replied “life would be that much easier this way, huh?”
I didn’t get an answer and I didn’t care. I went out to a work party last night and did not think of him once. I flirted hardcore with a colleague, who has been hitting on me since I started working at this place (3 years ago) and it was fun. There will never come anything out of it, since he’s married and like 15 years older than me. But you know, it was good for my ego. He kept throwing balls at me to get my attention or bumping into me whilst dancing. Even when I first sat down at the table and he happened to be there as well (really, it was not my intention!), he kept trying to catch my eye and smiled at me whenever. It’s just a thing with us and that’s completely fine. He doesn’t
usually overact on the flirting bit (getting touchy or something like that), so it’s good for my ego mostly. And like I said, it’s been that way for the last 3 years and nothing ever happened, so all is fine. He also was sober – I think – so I wasn’t afraid anything would happen, especially around everyone that was there. It was just good to get the attention. And I texted him this morning about something we talked about last night, and he just said how I flirted with him, to which I just said he started with that game. He complimented me on my “eye game”. He’s a funny one.
The work party was fun overall. At first I wasn’t too sure, since I am somewhat antisocial when it comes to people I don’t know very well. I kept being with the ones I knew… but at some point I was playing table tennis with said guy, and he went away and all of a sudden I was playing table tennis with 3 people I didn’t even know the name of. One of them was hitting on me big time and I have seen him before, but never really talked to him. So that was fun.
Anyway. Once I got home (by 3.30am!!) I texted P, figuring there was nothing to lose. And also letting him know I was still having a life without dating him. Just asked how he was dealing and he texted me saying “not too bad, what about you? You know, I was in Italy last weekend”. Once more I can’t translate it word by word, but it sounded like ‘I was away last weekend and that’s why I didn’t text all week’, which makes no sense whatsoever. But I’m done thinking about why he has or has not texted me. If he wants to talk to me, he can. I’m not putting any effort in this anymore until he knows what he wants.
Now why I’m typing this out right now with a
somewhat clear mind? In 2 hours my exboyfriend will come over. I haven’t seen him in 6 years, so that’ll be awkward. But he pretty much invited himself over when we were talking on my birthday. So that should be interesting. Maybe this will make a new post, or maybe it’s just gonna be friendly chatter (I guess so).