We went to his room. He had gotten changed whilst I was on the toilet. Quite unfair, since I had to change in front of him and I really don’t like this sort of attention this early on (as I am not as confident about my body as one might think). Well, he actually turned on the light so I told him to turn it off again (to which he said “but I wanna see!” like a little boy – but turned it off again smiling). I got changed, making sure no glimpses of me braless would be had. Then I got into bed with him. It didn’t take him too long until he started kissing me in a way I knew something would happen. And let’s be honest. It was obvious we’d sleep together at some point. Although since he was so distant whilst watching the movie, I wasn’t sure anymore whether it would happen that night. And he also told me later on, that he usually doesn’t sleep with girls that fast.
So yes. We had sex and fell asleep afterwards. The sex was okay. Not mind-blowing but I didn’t expect it to be, if I’m being honest. I loved his attention and he was being nice. I was somewhat surprised he didn’t offer any protection… until I remembered that I had mentioned on our first date that I was on the pill (he is such a good listener, honestly!)
I didn’t get the best of sleep that night, but then I never do laying next to someone “new”. But we lay in bed pretty much till like 3pm the next day. He fell asleep several times, and so did I when he was holding me close and I felt all cozy. It was very cute. Also at some point when I was laying in his arms, he all of a sudden said “it’s nice being with you!” Aww.
When we finally did get up he offered me breakfast and I expected some bread and marmalade, nothing big. But he made the biggest deal with veggies and stuff and it was so cute. He also made me try new things, which i am usually not keen on, but he somehow managed to know what I like. He also held my stomach at some point in the kitchen whilst we were making things ready, and was like “baby in here?” (since I told him my nephew asked last weekend) and I was like “well now they might be!” His face was priceless! He later texted me about my bleeding (from my cervix surgery, beause I had told him that I’d gone to the o.b. on Friday) “hope I didn’t make it worse” and then asked when my next appointment was. When I told him it was 5 months away he simply stated “if you’re pregnant, it might be earlier 😛 “. He’s so funny with things like this, I love it.
He tried to make sure I was eating enough, but I can’t. I just can’t with someone I’m nervous with. But he was all cute about it, being worried I didn’t get enough. Somehow after breakfast we ended up in bed again, just cuddling till dinner time. He cooked again, being all lovely and then we watched some TV, cuddling with the cats and stuff. We went to bed again at like 1am and I had a REALLY good night’s sleep this time. I was however sad, since I knew I had to leave around 10am the next morning, because I had made plans. I didn’t want to go, but he made me. Not sure whether he wanted to have some alone time, or simply didn’t want my mom to get angry because I’d turn up super late. Of course I did say “you just want to get rid of me” which he always declined… but I don’t know. I wasn’t so sure.
The date was good overall. However there have been a few things on my mind. First of all, I know that I have fallen for him. Way harder than he has. At this point it doesn’t bother me as much as it probably should… but I somehow just noticed. I’m sure he likes me, but I’m not sure if he actually will ever want me as a girlfriend. Secondly – *TMI!!* and this somewhat upset me: we had sex that first night. In the morning he started fumbling again and of course I wanted him again. He didn’t get hard though.
So I was not sure whether he’s not turned on by me, whether he was thinking too much or whatever. Of course the first thought was, that I did something wrong. However, I have asked him this evening by text and he told me that he had been overthinking too much (about a lot of things, not just during sex) which sometimes plays its tricks on him. Also since he is paraplegic, it also affects his sensory. I’m glad I asked, because I didn’t want to at first. But he said that he would let me know if I’d do anything wrong. I’m sure we can make things work and it’s not like the worst thing ever. I just wanted to make sure it was okay for him! And he was super upset about my bleeding, worrying he had hurt me… which was so cute!
Yeah, I’m somewhat all over the place as you probably can tell. Can’t tell what he wants or how he’s really feeling. He did tell me as well, that he usually doesn’t get into bed with girls that quickly, but didn’t tell me why he did with me (well he said I had provoked him, which is absolutely not true! It was completely on his terms!). It’s not a bad thing at all, it makes him much more sympathetic to me… but all of this is just hard for me. I don’t think he only wanted sex, else I’d notice by now and he wouldn’t text me anymore. He also texted me saying “I hope the bleeding doesn’t get heavier because of me”, which just shows me that he actually cares for me – even if he doesn’t say it like that.
We’ll see. For now I’m just going with the flow and will not ask for a “set status” or whatever. I don’t need it anyway. I know how I feel and will let him have the time he needs until he feels the same (or breaks it up).