the date with Kenny | part 1.

Yesterday took quite the turn. If you have read the post I wrote in the middle of the night, I am sincerely sorry for what I have said. I was pissed with the world. With the comments I got on here (which I asked for and are true). With the misunderstandings. But mostly just with me.

Well, but let’s start from the beginning. I was at work until 10pm. They let me go a little early, because they knew I wanted to go out. So I returned home, got dressed up and went to the place where carnival took place. I was there by 11.15pm and let Kenny know that I was there. I was alone, I didn’t know anyone and everyone I passed was drunk. So I made myself cozy and watched the bands and drunk people.
It took him about 20 minutes until he found me. I was surprised he would let go of his band and come over by himself. So we went to grab a drink and just talked for like 20 minutes. He then had to leave again because of a gig. He asked whether I was staying at that bar (for 1.5 hours) by myself or we’ll meet up somewhere else. I told him I was going to watch another band, which an old school friend was playing in.

So I did just that. Watched him, then walked to the other place Kenny was playing at. There I bumped into said schoolfriend and talked for like 20 minutes, then I bumped into an even older schoolfriend, who I then spent the next couple of hours with and made me leave the gig, which didn’t leave Kenny and I to meet up (he later told me he had searched for me all throughout the gig). It was fun and since Kenny did not reply no more, I was fine by having some fun dancing. Kenny sent me a “hello” every now and then, but never told me where he was at or came over when I told him where I was. By 2.15am I was done waiting and my school friend said he was heading home. So I walked home as well. Kenny had told me beforehand “my bus leaves at 2am, so either I leave with them… or I stay” – and looked at me weirdly. So I knew it was a question of sleeping at my place. I did not reply. Anyway, so by 2.15am when I was leaving, I figured he was home by then. I was quite tipsy by then and really pissed about how the evening went. I wanted to spend time with Kenny and saw him for just a short 20 minutes. That’s when I wrote that post and several other things.

For some reason I didn’t want to go to sleep yet, although I was so tired. I just knew something was gonna happen soon. And really, at 3.15am Kenny finally texted me. So he told me that he was sorry for how everything went and that he had once more messed everything up. I asked him what he meant and he said he had been very stressed and didn’t get time to see me. I just said “well and I kept bugging you as well, I’m sorry.” He then let me know he was still in town. I knew I was too tired to walk all the way back again (20 minutes) by this hour and asked who he was with. When he said he was by himself, I asked how he was getting home and he said he didn’t know. So I told him to wait at a certain place and I’d pick him up, if he wanted to sleep over. He did say “I want to, but…” We both knew what was hanging in between those lines, but I told him to shut his face. I was not gonna let a friend wait in the cold. I would have picked up anyone.
So by 3.30am I was in my car, sober again, picking him up at the train station. We got home (he’s never been at my home) and we talked. Like.. a lot. It was funny, since he obviously was still pretty drunk. He asked me where he could sleep and I told him in my bed. He could’ve gone to the guest room, but I did not tell my mom and I was not about to explain to her what happened. So we slept in the same bed.

Yes, we cuddled. But that was all. There was no kiss. No inappropriate touching. Just hugging and falling asleep (well he did, I did not).
And I was actually okay. I got the kind of intimacy I wanted, without him cheating on his girlfriend. Right?


To be continued…



he’s a dork.

Whenever I have some “time off” Kenny I start to wonder what the actual fuck I’m actually getting myself into. And even more: Why?

But let’s do a short recap. I went out with my friends on Thursday evening and got wasted. Like, literally I haven’t been that drunk for a long time. I told the others to take my phone away, if I would start texting Kenny. But I can be very convincing so when it started, they just let me do it.
Anyway, at around 10pm we decided to go dancing in a club and I was texting back and forth with him. I did think about going over to him, but then that was my vagina overtaking. The conversation went something like this:
Him: I would love to kiss you right now. Just,.. where?
Me: I can’t do magic, so you know I would long be with you if I could.
Him: You still could come over.
Me: Yes, indeed, I could.
Him: But?
Me: No but, but we both know that you don’t really want to see me. [I’m usually being painfully honest when I’m drunk]
Him: Sure, I do!
Me: Theoretically I could come over.
Him: And practically?
Me: I can take the train.
Him: 😀 :-*
Me: see…
Him: What? I didn’t say anything at all.
Me: No, but you don’t want to see me.
Him: Really? I’m waiting.
Me: I’m serious.
Him: Yeah, but it takes you ages to come here?
[so I sent him a screenshot when I would reach his destination.]
Him: It is tempting…. And I’m spontaneous…
[by then I really was just annoyed that he couldn’t be straight forward and just say that he didn’t want to see me.]
Me: Just let me know in the next 10 minutes, I only have 10% battery left.
Him: Aaaah, I really would love to see you. But I want to see you longer than just an hour.
Me: Okay.

He didn’t text me again until the next morning (stupid me texted him again before night time that I really missed him and wanted to kiss him and that I really liked him. He didn’t say anything to that at all).
It was just once more proof that he didn’t want to see me. What really confused me though was, if he really just wants to get me laid, why didn’t he take that chance? Because he totally knew that he would get me into bed in that set of mind. But he didn’t, he told me that he wants to spend time with me. But more to that later on.

So the next day we chatted again, he told me how cute I had been. And I told him that I would turn my phone off for the next 3 weeks when I was out drinking. He pleaded not to do that (again saying “I don’t want to lose you again”). Then there went another conversation about my drunken state of mind:
Me: I was very surprised that I didn’t forget anything about that Thursday we met, because I was totally drunk back then as well.
Him: That would be a pity.
Me: Why?
Him: Because you would have forgotten about me.
Me: I wouldn’t have forgotten you, but maybe that we kissed. But then I just would have to test your kissing ability again.
Him: So you don’t have to test that anymore now?
Me: Maybe once when we’re both sober.
Him: Just once..?
Anyway. So I went out again with my friends yesterday and he was being very clingy when I didn’t reply to his message right away (as he always is). At some point I just said that he doesn’t want to see me, to which he first replied that he was waiting for the “right moment” (whatever that might be) and then he said that I was being very stressful to ask again and again. And I just said that I wouldn’t ask again so it was his turn now and said my goodbye’s till Monday.

I’m not gonna lie, at first I found it very cute for him to wait for the ‘right moment’, but then I really started to think what that meant. And I realised that for him “the right moment” is when his flatmate has moved out and there is less chance that he gets caught.
I could bet on everything that he’ll ask me to come over to his place next week. When all of a sudden the right moments will be all around the corner everywhere and any time.

Why am I even selling myself so much under my worth? I mean he doesn’t text me all weekend when his girlfriend is good enough, and then Monday-Friday I’m okay? Really? And he seems to be totally fine with his girlfriend, because he told me how he’s going to have sex this weekend. Good on you boy, I don’t really want to know.
My problem is, there is some attraction towards him. And whenever he’s being personal or cute, I just can’t imagine him being such a dork. But he is. And I need to realise this.

I told myself that if he won’t text me at all till Monday, I won’t answer his messages for at least a day on Monday as well. If he really is interested in me, I will know. If he just wants to get me laid, he’ll stop trying pretty quick I guess. And I also won’t go over for at least another week, if he asks me.

what do I want?

I’m still as confused as in my last post. I haven’t seen Dodo again ever since, but we’ll meet up tomorrow. The plan was to walk around the city with his friend from New Zealand, but he texted me today saying that his friend had canceled the plans, so it’s just us again (how surprising ;-)).

I really don’t know what to expect from all of this. I was out with friends partying yesterday and he was a lot calmer than Ken was when I was drunk. He didn’t make a big deal of me hugging and kissing other people and telling him about it (my friends actually told me to do so, to see if he is jealous or not). Anyway, I’m just glad I’ll be away for almost 2 weeks for a holiday. It will give me some time off to think about this situation and what to do about it. Because he is falling head over heels into this – whatever “this” is. He has asked me 3 times in the last few days to meet up, and again today if I care to meet up this evening instead of only tomorrow. I declined, because I am still hangover. He accepted without another word, but I am sure he is at least a bit sad about it.

You know, I really love how smart he is. But he’s reminding me a bit of Ken with the “closure”. I don’t need a man to be around every day, and I’m not sure if he can slow down. Well, he has to, but you know. So I really am super glad that I’m off on holidays for a while.

I’ll keep you updated – tomorrow night I guess about the date.

my New Year’s Eve

Hey you’s, it’s currently the first time in like 2 weeks I’m back home, because I wanted to… and that’s only because I’m ill… once more. So here I am, laying around. Fortunately, Momo will come over in the evening, so I at least don’t have to miss him too much 🙂

Anyhow, I promised you a post about New Year’s Eve, so here goes:

I was home the day before, because I had to go to the doctors, so Momo called me around 1pm that he’s awake now and that I can come over whenever I want to. His guests would show up some time around 6pm, but I wanted to have him for myself before, so I went there around 3pm. Didn’t quite turn out how I wanted to, although he was joking about “are you sure you want Monday to be the last time we’ve had sex in this year?!” but he had to still set things up for the party, so I simply just lay on the couch till 5pm and his roommates showed up. So we drank some wine and after 6pm people showed up who I actually knew. We started drinking some beer, and I got quite tipsy pretty fast. People noticed, because I never drink, so that was fun. We had some dinner and just generally talked and had fun. At around 11pm I got sober again, because I didn’t keep drinking, but Momo started to get real drunk. I told him that he should stop drinking so much, or he’d regret it at some point… but of course he didn’t listen. So when it was 12am I didn’t get a chance to kiss him, because he was fooling around with the others and I just sat at the fire outside and drank my glass of champagne. He did come over shortly after to kiss me, but that was not exactly how I expected this evening. Well it went on like that, and after some games of beer pong, they had a brilliant idea… not. They started playing vodka pong, and as Momo already was drunk I told him to take care.

Well in the end, he ended up falling down the stairs at 3am, a friend told me and I went down to his room and put him to bed. He doesn’t remember anything of this, so it’s actually quite funny afterwards. His guests were still there though, so that was strange. Also Momo’s sister caught 2 people having sex in HER bed, which was just… wrong. I didn’t know they went into her room, I just knew they were fumbling in the bathroom so I warned her not to go in there. Anyway. So I went to bed with Momo at around 3am, woke up at 5am and heard that the people were gone, so I calmed down and slept on till like 9am and got up to clean the mess. I was cleaning around 1.5 hours when Momo showed up and asked what I was doing. So I obviously told him that I was cleaning the mess they made. I then told him everything he’s done the entire evening, because he doesn’t remember – surprise, surprise. I also told him that I am not up for a party like that again in a year. It was fun and all, but not for the price we paid in the end.

Anyway, so that was my New Year’s Eve. Not exactly how I had imagined it, but it’s okay. I got to spend the next 2 days with him more or less in bed, and we had an incredible time. Also we’re going on holidays this weekend for a week – well if I get healthy again, gonna see the doctors tomorrow, so hopefully he’ll make me feel better and let me hear SOMETHING again. So I’m looking forward to that.

I wish you all a Happy New Year and hope you had a nice evening.