sex and me.

The last few days sucked. I got to meet a lot of guys on the internet lately, which gave me some energy back. In a couple of days though, everything turned upside down and now I’m even more sad than I have been before. I started talking to that guy L. I bumped into L about 5 years ago, when he had a girlfriend I’ve known. I saw him at the lake and we talked. Not much has happened, but I just never forgot about him. A few weeks ago we started talking on the internet again. He now is single and he started hitting on me. I felt loved, because he really is a nice guy. However, I never knew if he was serious about dating me or not. So I told him yesterday. Turns out he only wanted to get me laid once or twice, because he thought I’m cute. Yeah, so that was a huge let down. But apparently it was not only him who tried hitting on me for only that one reason.

I’m disappointed. I don’t know if I’m disappointed with me or with men. I’m not trying to come off like an easy catch. I don’t think I am. So why do men think that they can get me laid easily? I like to flirt, but that’s not a reason to think like that, now is it?… I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t go out, I don’t drink, I don’t party… and still people assume that I’m that outgoing girl who’s sleeping with another guy every weekend. I gave them no reason to think like that, so why do people still judge me?

Yeah my love life has been a pain in the ass lately. Which always leads me back to Bayne. I have been thinking about moving out from home and moving in with him a lot. I’m not sure whether he really would be up for it, but it would be awesome. He has to go to the army first though, so I gotta wait at least another year. But we’ll see. Maybe it’s gonna happen. Maybe he can dig his way out of this friendzone. And me, too.