I’m lost!

Wow. Things seem to get weirder every day.

So Steve asked me for another date on Sunday and we settled for Monday (yesterday). He came to pick me up from work and we went to the lake and talked for a while (kissing and all). But it then started raining so we went back to have a coffee at Starbucks. He’s a person who gets bored VERY easily and that’s exactly what happened. But what could you do in a city where neither of you live and it’s raining? Yeah not too much to do. After about 20 minutes we decided to simply take my car and drive somewhere. So I got into the car and he told me where to drive and we ended up like 20 minutes away from his home (he lives a 1.5-hour-drive away from me)… We went to the lake again and he started kissing me and started “pushing”. Like, I KNEW what he wanted, he just didn’t say it out loud. After a while he asked me to go home with him, so he could drive me to work tomorrow morning. It was 10pm by then and I knew I had at least a 1 hour drive home. I also knew that I would NOT spend the night with him at my second date, because I don’t want to have sex with him yet. I did want to cuddle up all night with him, but I didn’t believe that he would let it be at that. Although he told me several times that he would not do anything I didn’t want. But as he was pushing so much, I didn’t feel too comfortable anymore, so I told him that I had to go home now. He was quite pissed – I could tell by his face, but in the end he apologized for how he’s behaved and went home by train. I got lost on my way home and ended up  being home at 12am.

I also apologized, because I felt bad for kissing him sooo much, but not letting him go any further. He said there’s nothing to apologize for. We had another talk today, because I felt really awkward about this evening. Like, I have no idea what that is what we’re having. I told him that I’m super confused.

Him: “What about? What it is between you and me or what?”

Me: “well, I don’t need to put a label onto this. I don’t know, I’m just not as open as other people when it comes to sex”

him: “I’m so sorry that I pushed you.”

Me: “It’s okay.. I was overwhelmed”

Him: “And that’s what I didn’t want. I don’t know. I don’t know what you want”

And neither do I boy, how would you know? Anyway, just how he keeps writing I think at least HE is falling for me. At least one of us is sure of what he’s doing.



The other problem I have: Kevin has texted me again, asking whether I would join him at the festival this weekend. I really really really want to go and meet him, but I feel like I’m cheating on Steve. Also I know that if we get drunk, we will kiss… which yeah. Like I’m not in a relationship with either of them, but I just feel like cheating on both of them. I like them both equally, it’s so weird. What should I do?

Also a schoolmate texted me yesterday, asking about my date so I told him I’m only gonna tell him if he doesn’t tell Bayne. Anyhoo, he said he won’t but that Bayne has asking me about the date on Friday. Whether I really went or what. I just feel super weird, because Bayne is asking my friends behind my back, which is so not like him. So I asked my schoolmate whether he thinks if he’s into me or what. But he doesn’t know either.