You see, I’ve met someone new, so here’s to daily posts again, because self-conciousness has kicked in again. Why though? Maybe because he looks like Mr. perfect (in appearance to me)? Or because his personality seems so sweet and nice to me? Yeah, I guess it is one of the very many reasons for my self-conciousness.
Here’s the thing: it seems to be an issue for paraplegic.
Not an issue per se so not to date me, but he has mentioned it a few times already (once on the date itself).
Anyway, to cut things short
ish: As I mentioned yesterday, he had been “away” all weekend. I’m not sure whether he had been so busy or just didn’t want to interrupt my time with the kiddos, since he once more told me I was the busy one (because I didn’t have the weekend free for him). But he did text me last night and he asked when I was free this week to meet up. So all my worries about him not wanting to see me again were off.
Anyway, so we settled for Thursday. Again. I would have been free today and tomorrow, but since I have been experiencing bad cramps all weekend, I didn’t want to push my luck.
Then I did the first stupid thing. I told him that he was not going out of my mind. He just asked what he could do about it, to which I said he should stop ghosting around in my head. The conversation then turned to our kissing because of a picture I sent him (he said he liked our kissing chemistry).
Today I was still stupid and kept saying things. I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I need to cut back on telling him my feelings, since he seems to not like it or is overwhelmed. I do not know (well my friend just said he might be careful as not to rush things into something that is not meant to happen – on the other hand he was the one to kiss and fumble on a first date… you know it’s just confusing to me!)
He told me today, that the weather is going to be bad (again) this Thursday and I offered to see him today, which he didn’t want to since he was already on his way home (don’t really know what the problem is with that, but that’s alright). Then the following dialogue happened:
Me: See, at least my cats want to see me *sending him a pictures of my needy cats*
Him: Well, they kind of have to
Me: Okay. I’ve gotten the message now…
Him: Why? I don’t have to see you,… but we are meeting up again, so that speaks for itself!
Me: Yeah, I do know that you don’t have to miss me
Him: Do you have to miss me?
Me: No, I don’t have to… but I do. [next wrong turn]
Him (20minutes later): Ouch… how can I change that?
Me: I told you yesterday already that you should stop ghosting around in my head. But it’s alright, it is still bearable right now
Him: And what are you going to do once it isn’t bearable anymore?
Me: Stand in front of your door *lol*
[ when I didn’t get a reply in 1.5 hours and saw that he had been online, I sent another text ]
Me: You don’t have to worry, I will not come to your door like a psycho. But I guess I need to learn and not wear my heart on my sleeves with you. I feel like telling everything that is going on in my mind and I forget that people may be overwhelmed with that. I am sorry.
Him: I do not worry of you being a psycho and coming to my door, and even if it would be like that.. it wouldn’t be a big deal. And I am not as easily overwhelmed as you think.
Me: Anyway, I feel like it’s not helping us. I don’t know
Him: I understand you, very much so. But it’s dangerous to precipitately dive into something.. I’m gonna tell you something about me some day (not by chat)
Me: I don’t want to rush things! I just want to get to know you better and meet you, because I think you’re such a cool person with a lot of characteristics I like. So I’m worried I will do things wrong and therefore talk before I think. I want us to take our time. I didn’t mean to stress you out.
Him: Don’t worry, just tell me what you want. I can filter what is important to me. Thank you, that’s very cute. I do think you’re very sympathetic yourself – you just need to up your self-confidence
in your appearance, then it will be perfect. And swear a little less *lol*
So. I think it’s a good sign what he said, right?! Although I still haven’t gotten him to tell me how he feels about us, he definitely isn’t pushing me away
yet. And I think he’s just not a person to say “I like you” or whatever anytime soon. Which is fine, I’ve been that way before and I will not push him to do it.
But I need to learn and be patient and not fall for him head over heels, because we all know that wouldn’t end well. It seems that he really is an honest and nice man, that doesn’t want to rush things and searches for something serious. So I need to calm the f*ck down, as to not make him run for the hills already. And I definitely will try to do so. Not tell him about any sort of feelings about him (no “I miss you”s or anything the like!). I can do it. Patience is the key. I’ve gotten what I wanted to say off my chest, and it made me feel better
for the moment, so here’s to me getting more self-confidence and leaving him be every once in a while. I will update again once I’ve seen him in 3 days.