Kenny is like a tornado. When he decides to come into my life, he rushes in with full force. There’s not in between.
I mentioned in my last post how we decided to meet up in a little over a week – so to say: our yearly date. And I was already concerned about how things would turn out to be.
Well, here’s a new story:
We have been texting back and forth again for a few days. It’s us. We always have these moments when we’re in constant contact and then we can be radio silent for a year or so.
Kenny has a girlfriend. I’m not sure how long they’ve been together, I just saw a picture on instagram when they were on holidays last summer. And he told me so on New Year’s Eve. It doesn’t matter anyway, it doesn’t justify any of his actions.
Last night he was out, drunk. Although he said he wasn’t, after 16 years I know when he’s drunk and when he’s sober. When he does get drunk, he always gets somewhat clingy. So at 11pm he texted me (via snapchat of course), that I should come over. I asked what he was expecting me to do then, and he said “we’ll take it from there”. I didn’t react to it, although honestly I was actually thinking about going. I really wanted to see him. I’ve been feeling lonely lately, and I really miss the reassurance
from P. But my brain knew better. Fortunately.
Well, long story short: I told him I wouldn’t go over and he asked why. I told him that we both know very well what would happen and I just got a happy emoji back from him. I told him it’s not gonna happen, due to him being with his girlfriend.
His response? “She’s not around!” – well dude, I’m glad you’re not cheating on your girlfriend when she’s standing right next to you,.. but seriously? Do you not have any remorse?!
So I told him that by now I know he’s not feeling any remorse, but that I would feel so and he asked me why. I couldn’t explain, just that I thought it was wrong. He then said the same thing he did almost 2 years ago: “well.. live now, not in the future!”
It seems to be his motto when he does stupid stuff. What really caught me off guard however was him all of a sudden telling me that he’s into me. We’ve never been big on discussing our feelings, but after 16 years I knew he was loving me in some way. But we also both know that we probably will never end up together, since in all these years the timing was never right. But let’s be honest. I’ve been single for over 7 months and hearing that someone is into me, of course is nice to hear. Especially with everything going on with P.
It doesn’t justify his cheating on his girlfriend. And this is the one reason I will never pursue a relationship with him. I don’t know if he’s like that to any other girls. I honestly don’t believe so. It’s just s thing about us. We can’t seem to let go of each other, no matter the circumstances. But… once a cheater, always a cheater. He’s never going to learn his lesson. I had actually believed now that he’s seemingly happy with his girlfriend, he wouldn’t do something so stupid.. but he also knows I’d not tell her or anyone and he’s clever enough not to let him get caught.
I don’t know. It’s just fucked up.
Oh by the way, I didn’t go to see him, although I was very close to getting in my car. Fortunately I fell asleep when he didn’t reply for like 5 minutes.