I still am so upset about schoolmate F… And I don’t understand why?! I mean, I’m not upset, but kind of disappointed.
Don’t get me wrong. I am so happy with the decision I made. I am much more happy without Momo and I don’t miss schoolmate F as a friend either. I deleted him and blocked him on my phone. I am that disappointed. I just don’t understand how two people I was so close with, could do – or rather say – such a thing? It’s not like I said “well Momo is not perfect, I’m done”. I fought for over 3 months! 3 months of misery and hurt. Schoolmate F even said it was good that I cut him out, when I did. So why is he acting like that now? I just don’t understand. Why is he now pitying Momo when I was the one who was miserable all that time?
I have done everything I could to save the relationship. Momo just watched. He watched me go. He didn’t listen when I told him how I felt. He didn’t act when I told him to do something. He just went on with his life as he knew it. It took me 3 months to understand that I have to go. It took me another 2 months to move on and allow myself to be happy. And now I seem to be the bad one? Now they try to make me feel guilty about not fighting? When two close people hurt me so much, over and over again. Now I am bad for taking care of myself?
No. I don’t feel guilty. And I don’t even feel bad for feeling the way I am. No, I indeed am feeling a bit happy that he’s so miserable now. I know that it might be wrong, but it’s a satisfaction to know that he finally knows what I was going through for 3 months. He should suffer!
There are so many things I would like to tell them both. So many things I would like to shout at them. But I won’t. Because they won’t listen. They won’t understand. They won’t. Just as much as they didn’t give a fuck the last 6 months. Now I am the one to play this part. And I should stop thinking about it and have any kind of feelings about the situation. Because it is just not worth it.