I was going on a walk today, which usually makes me think a lot about my past and present. And I started missing Momo. But let me explain further:
I have been feeling very lonely as of late – you know that already. Not in the sense that I do not love myself or cannot entertain myself – I actually can – I just feel sort of left out… for lack of better words.
Ever since I finished my apprenticeship and changed my job, my circle of friends has once more changed completely. I have never been that girl to always have the same group of friends for a long time, it has changed over time about 5-6 times since puberty. A few friends have come along ever since, but not as a group – if you know what I mean. I do have close friends – such as Mr. Cucu – when I need them, they are there. But I don’t have those friends to hang out with every weekend, like a normal 25yo-girl does. Like.. a group of friends, a clique if you will so. I usually sit at home on weekends. And don’t get me wrong, I’m okay being home most of the time, I just sometimes miss the opportunity to just text someone and a group of friends can hang out by the sea or whatever. Or just go to a certain place, I know everyone hangs out at. Just a opportunity to not feel lonely, if that makes any sense.
I was passing so many guys my age that were going to the beach with their friends today, it made me realise how lonely I actually am… and how different, I guess. I do have friends, and I probably could text them and they would gladly hang out with me. The thing is… 90% of my friends are in relationships, and I don’t like to be the 3rd wheel. The other 10% are just genuinely not interested in the same things as me, so I don’t really want to hang out with them all the time – or actually they mostly have their own group of friends and I feel awkward to ask.
I just miss having those friends to see on a regular basis. And not just once a month, like I do with Mr. Cucu (which is mainly because he lives a 2-hour drive away). Because I once was in a circle of friends who did this. And I can’t really get back into one just like that.. and that’s why I mainly miss Momo. When it wasn’t just the two of us, we would usually hang out with his friends or go out and I really liked that we could just go and have a BBQ with them every weekend. The same people, every week. I didn’t feel left out, or different.
I miss having someone to be with me every day. Someone to text. Someone to bother. Someone I can text when something silly or funny happened. Because right now I usually text no-one or just a different person considering the situation each time.
And I feel like I can’t just wait for a boyfriend to show up and bring me into a new group of friends. But then, what can I do? I’m not really outgoing and as I said most of my friends are in relationships and have couple-dates.
But whatever. The time will come. Somewhen.