Yesterday took quite the turn. If you have read the post I wrote in the middle of the night, I am sincerely sorry for what I have said. I was pissed with the world. With the comments I got on here (which I asked for and are true). With the misunderstandings. But mostly just with me.
Well, but let’s start from the beginning. I was at work until 10pm. They let me go a little early, because they knew I wanted to go out. So I returned home, got dressed up and went to the place where carnival took place. I was there by 11.15pm and let Kenny know that I was there. I was alone, I didn’t know anyone and everyone I passed was drunk. So I made myself cozy and watched the bands and drunk people.
It took him about 20 minutes until he found me. I was surprised he would let go of his band and come over by himself. So we went to grab a drink and just talked for like 20 minutes. He then had to leave again because of a gig. He asked whether I was staying at that bar (for 1.5 hours) by myself or we’ll meet up somewhere else. I told him I was going to watch another band, which an old school friend was playing in.
So I did just that. Watched him, then walked to the other place Kenny was playing at. There I bumped into said schoolfriend and talked for like 20 minutes, then I bumped into an even older schoolfriend, who I then spent the next couple of hours with and made me leave the gig, which didn’t leave Kenny and I to meet up (he later told me he had searched for me all throughout the gig). It was fun and since Kenny did not reply no more, I was fine by having some fun dancing. Kenny sent me a “hello” every now and then, but never told me where he was at or came over when I told him where I was. By 2.15am I was done waiting and my school friend said he was heading home. So I walked home as well. Kenny had told me beforehand “my bus leaves at 2am, so either I leave with them… or I stay” – and looked at me weirdly. So I knew it was a question of sleeping at my place. I did not reply. Anyway, so by 2.15am when I was leaving, I figured he was home by then. I was quite tipsy by then and really pissed about how the evening went. I wanted to spend time with Kenny and saw him for just a short 20 minutes. That’s when I wrote that post and several other things.
For some reason I didn’t want to go to sleep yet, although I was so tired. I just knew something was gonna happen soon. And really, at 3.15am Kenny finally texted me. So he told me that he was sorry for how everything went and that he had once more messed everything up. I asked him what he meant and he said he had been very stressed and didn’t get time to see me. I just said “well and I kept bugging you as well, I’m sorry.” He then let me know he was still in town. I knew I was too tired to walk all the way back again (20 minutes) by this hour and asked who he was with. When he said he was by himself, I asked how he was getting home and he said he didn’t know. So I told him to wait at a certain place and I’d pick him up, if he wanted to sleep over. He did say “I want to, but…” We both knew what was hanging in between those lines, but I told him to shut his face. I was not gonna let a friend wait in the cold. I would have picked up anyone.
So by 3.30am I was in my car, sober again, picking him up at the train station. We got home (he’s never been at my home) and we talked. Like.. a lot. It was funny, since he obviously was still pretty drunk. He asked me where he could sleep and I told him in my bed. He could’ve gone to the guest room, but I did not tell my mom and I was not about to explain to her what happened. So we slept in the same bed.
Yes, we cuddled. But that was all. There was no kiss. No inappropriate touching. Just hugging and falling asleep (well he did, I did not).
And I was actually okay. I got the kind of intimacy I wanted, without him cheating on his girlfriend. Right?
To be continued…