seeing Kenny

I feel like I need to type out my feelings towards Kenny before I see him on Thursday.

I’m not entirely sure where we’re heading to, and I’m also not sure how I’ll feel about it once I’m going home from our “date” again, but right now… I’m looking forward to seeing him. I really miss him when he doesn’t text, and we have been in constant contact from morning to night every day the last 2 weeks or so. This is new, but then also not so new, because it usually is like that before we see each other.
I don’t know what to expect. I do expect us to kiss, but then I also think he might try to hold himself together and therefore not kiss me. I’m not sure how I’ll feel when he doesn’t. I probably would be sad, if I’m being honest. I’m definitely not going to make that first step, but I’d love to kiss him. Not gonna lie. Actually, right now I’d probably even go into friends with benefits with him… but that’s most likely because I’m so lonely lately and the attention I get from him feels so good. I know it’d be hard, because I know about his girlfriend and so on… but I guess I’ll just see how it goes in a few days.

Another thing that happened this weekend: As I’ve said before, we’re chatting on snapchat. You can send special emoji’s (bitmoji) with your personal avatars. I think it was Sunday morning when he sent me an emoji, which said “I love you”. I was pretty surprised by this. Not because I thought he didn’t love me, but because he was so open about it. He did claim that he hadn’t meant to send it, but let’s be real. They’re huge, you can’t just push one on accident. Maybe he just wanted to see how I reacted? And I know he loves me in some way. I don’t think I have ever been so sure about someone having feelings towards me. But then probably because we both know we can’t allow them.

I don’t know. I’m just excited to see him this Thursday. He texted me this morning saying “it’s Thursday soon”. He didn’t say why (obviously because he’s off work, but then also – I guess – he’s excited to see me as well).

So I’m pretty torn. I do want him. But I also know it will do me no good, because I don’t want to be second choice. The question seems to be, whether I am second choice or the girlfriend is. It might be obvious to you guys, but then why is he always coming back to me? Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m at the bad end of all of this. But we’ll see. There’s not much to lose, right?



  1. How would you feel if your boyfriend was kissing random girls. Why are you trying to ruin another girls happiness? If he tries anything, you need to tell him he either dumps her or stops doing this. Stop being selfish and
    Encouraging cheating. Where’s the girl code at?

    1. I told him how I feel about him cheating on her. But I am not going to feel bad for what HE does wrong. It’s not like I’m making him kiss me or seducing him at all. He always caught me off guard by kissing me. I never made any intentions towards him, never got close to him, indicating I wanted to kiss him. I actually avoired beimg alone witj him, but he always managed to do so either way.
      So I see no fault on my side. Sure, there’s always two in this. And he knows very well what I think of it. I am not in to ruin a relationship, but seriously? Ruining another girl’s happiness? Is it true happiness if he’s not loyal to her?! I guess not. I may help him understand that he wants or doesn’t. It’s not like he has those thoughts, just because I’m existing. I told him before, he shpuld overthink the relationship if he thinks about me. I’m not blindly gping into this, but I’m not letting you talk me down like this.

  2. Your not entirely innocent here, you know he has a girlfriend and your still planning on meeting him.
    I get your into him, I get you have had conversations with him about his girlfriend but what exactly do you want from this? What if he chooses never to leave his girlfriend but continues to string you along?
    And if he does choose to eventually leave her for you would you actually ever trust him?
    Leopard, spots and all that.
    I’m not trying to put you down and I do hope that this doesn’t end in you being hurt… but let’s face it someone is going to end up hurt from all this and I can guarantee it’s not going to be Kenny.

    1. Like I’ve said before, I do understand you guys. And I’m not saying I’m innocent. But it is his choice to do this. Even if I would deny him, he still wishes for it. So does that make me bad?… I’ve been in this exact situation before. I know what I’m getting myself into. I don’t want a relationship. Or for him to leave his girlfriend. Right now I want some intimacy (just kissing) and that’s all. And if he doesn’t want that, then I’m totally fine with just seeing him again. I’m well aware that we’ll probably not meet up again afterwards for a long time. So he won’t string me along either, because he knows how I feel about all of this and he’s very scared to lose me as a friend. I’m not sure how to explain this to anyone, because noone understands. But be sure that I am okay and I know what is waiting “on the other side”.

    2. I get your friends which is fine nothing wrong with that. Hooking up with a guy who has a girlfriend just to satisfy a craving for intimacy is a pretty shitty move which is why most people (myself included) struggle to understand why you would knowingly do this.
      It’s your prerogative and life, but honestly it’s a pretty selfish choice.

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