Current new situation: It is 4am, I am sitting in Alan’s living room – by myself. He is sleeping in bed. I stayed there for probably an hour before I got out.
Why, you might ask? Why start this same stupid damn thing I did with Momo just before we broke up? Because my brain is fucking awful.
I haven’t seen Alan in a week and I was so happy to see him again. When I realised he was not actually interested in spending time with me – which showed by him rather setting his new computer up, surfing on the news site whilst I was trying to kiss him, or him actually declining sex… well that’s when my brain got the overhand and told me that he was not actually interested in me anymore. Maybe I am too boring, who knows really?!
I know that this is not the case, he would have said things and not asked me to come over. But it sure as hell feels that way. To lay in bed on opposite sides (which by the way was inclined by me, because I couldn’t stand to be touched in this situation), me actually crying and him snoring away. Yeah, not a nice feeling.
So I’m sitting on the couch, waiting to get tired enough to go back to bed and actually fall asleep. The option of sleeping on the couch is not given, as I do not want to explain to his father, who will be home in an hour or so. And neither to Alan actually.
I hate my brain, I really do.
diary of a tight-lipped girl. 