I told you guys in my last post what happened yesterday. I couldn’t hold my fingers back and texted him. Here’s the conversation that followed:
Me: I don’t want to argue, I just want to know one thing: if I hadn’t texted you this morning asking about the weekend, would YOU have asked me if we can still go to my gran’s or not?
Him: I have told myself a while ago that this weekend is going to be our last chance – if we can’t go on, I’m gonna give up. It’s not easy for me – but neither is the way it is like now. I did want to take that last chance and would have asked you, yes. But without hope – what is going to be with “us” is your decision. My arms are still open.
Me: Why did you say no in the first place then if you thought about our last chance anyway? I know this sounds like an excuse but I have a very weird thing going on in my brain, when I can’t imagine something that is going to happen. Like I get all panicky when I can’t imagine certain situations (like exams). The same happened with going to my gran’s now, and I don’t want to go for that reason. I would like to spend Sunday with you, with the chance of sleeping at your place to Monday. If you’re okay with it. My gran’s place will not walk away, we can go there another time.
Him: I don’t really know. What are you doing right now and what are you going to do tomorrow then? I think it would be better if we spent Saturday and you sleep at my place to Sunday rather than Monday… * short break * No, there’s no other chance. Either we go out on Saturday or we leave it be. I do not want to be the one always accepting your way.
Me: Okay, then we leave it be, Stan. It’s my birthday tomorrow and my mom invited me for dinner and we gonna go shopping and just spend the day as always.
Him: Ah.. so you lied to me. I definitely am no longer part of your life! Do not ever message me again!
I fell asleep by then. I guess he has ignored me by now, I did text him back in the middle of the night, asking what I was lying about, because I have no clue. Adding into that, that he has been telling me for a week that his lies were not very major and I should stop whining about it, now that I – apparently – lied once, he breaks up with me. And also that he probably should think first before talking in the future, or we would not even have gotten so far. We would have gone to my gran’s and maybe saved this relationship.
Fate may not have wanted this relationship to last. So after only 3 months, he broke up with me the day before my birthday. It does feel like crap, but I’ll get over it and find the worth in myself again some day. Because he has taken it away.