awkward in-between

As I mentioned in my post yesterday: I’m feeling super awkward right now. As I wasn’t expecting that things would work out with Steve, I didn’t stop messaging Kevin either. Bayne has known that I had a date, too… ever since, he has been acting super weird. Like, I told ANOTHER schoolmate yesterday that I might buy him a coffee if things will work out with Steve, because he made me go on that date. I didn’t want Bayne to know, but apparently my other schoolmate showed the message to Bayne, because he was asking me about it yesterday (we went to the movies with some friends). He also mentioned, that he hasn’t been in the best of moods the last few days, which is awkward because he knows about the date since Monday… oh and at the  movie another friend was like “come on Bayne, you sit next to her, like we planned beforehand!” WHAT?… I’m not sure whether I’m putting too much into all of this, but it’s just a really awkward situation for me… So I just decided that I will tell neither of my schoolmates about my future dates with Steve, until things are official. But yeah.

Now about Kevin. He has NEVER ever messaged me as much as the last few days. I think it might be a coincidence, but it leaves me feeling very weird. Yesterday he was sending me some messages, asking whether I would like to be massaged or to cuddle up with him.. and all I did was just not answering those questions. I don’t know if men have those intuition like women, but it seems like it! Maybe it’s just the thing men do – getting interested once you lose your interest in them?! The hell with that!

You know, about 3 guys have been messaging me lately that they would kiss me, if they could. And now I’m just in this in-between-situation because I don’t know whether things work out with Steve,… OR if he even plans on giving it a try, or whether I’m just that girl who’s hard to get so he has to ‘capture’ me?! But I feel like cheating on him when I would talk to them like that.. They’ll figure it out anyways, but what to do until then? Like, just having a look at the personality Kevin would be absolutely perfect ALTHOUGH we fight all the time. But having met Steve now, he’s even more matching, because we don’t fight. We have similar jobs, we share a lot of opinions and he LOVES to travel. Also he’s soo good with children, which let my heart melt. I still have to get to know him better – of course – and that’s what I want to do. I’m just really afraid, that things will turn out like with Gohan when I let myself fall for him and he only wanted to have fun, you know. It doesn’t seem like it right now, because Steve is the one always starting the conversation and asking for another date and putting SO much effort into this… which leaves me speechless. But I guess time will tell…

Do you guys have any suggestions or tips on what I should do?


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