I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I have been thinking about my ‘exes’ a lot lately. I changed the CD in my car today to the band “Smile Empty Soul”. Maybe I shouldn’t have,… it’s a band Gohan showed me and all the feelings came back to me. I’m somehow real good at hiding memories, getting them far far away from my daily life. But in situations such as that one, it hits me even harder. I missed him terribly, although I couldn’t ever be with him
anymore. I missed touching his face or cuddling him while laying my head on his chest because he’s so much taller than me.
I miss being in love. Or having someone to flirt with.
Also I wanted to go on holidays with a friend of mine in summer break. He then told me that another guy is coming along. Which happens to be a guy I was in love with (like 3 years ago!) and he suddenly didn’t talk to me anymore because ‘he was not ready for a relationship’
(and 2 months later he got together with his now-girlfriend). I’m not someone to be mad at someone for a long time, but I don’t think I could be next to him ever again. Even less spend a whole week together. I think he was the one who hurt me the most by far, although we never even got together in the first place.
And as if that wasn’t enough: Bayne has been real weird. Not like behaving weird, but saying things which make me think. I’ve written a text on one of my pages about the man I’d love to marry (I’ll add it to the end of this post). Anyway so Bayne has read this text and yesterday he said “well, maybe I should bleach my hair?!”.. we didn’t even talk about that subject so it caught me off guard. What the heck?
I want a guy who’s childish and funny but can be mature as well. I want a guy who loves to laugh and isn’t ashamed of weird situations. I like blond hair to tousle and dark eyes, possibly tall. I want someone who says what he wants, but also listens to me sometimes. Someone who likes his freedom and who’s not jealous all the time. Someone who’s nice to the people around him and who isn’t shallow. One who doesn’t go out all the time, but rather stays at home. One who can deal with kids and want some of his own. One who doesn’t smoke and neither takes drugs. One to be quick on the trigger and who can deal with my teasing. I don’t want a guy who’s easily offended, or I would’ve become a lesbian (no offense!). I want a man I can look up to. I want someone who’s self-confident but not snotty.
It doesn’t really matter, because in the end you get whatever you don’t wish for. But I’m allowed to dream, right?