I fell for my best friend.

How can you miss somebody you haven’t seen for a whole year? I still don’t understand myself. Not at all. I’ve met my Mister Cucu some time in April 2011 for the first time. After knowing him for 3 years already (by the internet). But after that date, we never saw eachother in person again. We did use our webcams though and talked on a regular basis, but we didn’t date. So after almost a year, I asked him whether he’d like to meet me again. Since then (14th April) we’ve seen eachother almost every fortnight.

When I didn’t meet him for that year, I didn’t miss him. Not in a “oh I wanna meet him again, having fun and cuddle him because I miss him”-way. After I’ve seen him on 14th April though, I missed him heaps. I wanted to meet him again, but I was so afraid of asking him. Of annoying him or being rejected. Being clingy and all that stuff. It didn’t take him long to ask ME. So we did. Again. And again. And again. And with every additional date I miss him more. Which makes no sense at all, does it?

 

Some time this year ( I don’t remember when) his ex-girlfriend broke up with him and he was really lost. At this point he showed me how much our friendship meant to him. Because he texted me, to cheer him up and it was one of the most precious things ever done to me (it is ridiculous I know). Anyway, so last year I asked him if he’d like to watch Snow White and the Huntsman with me, but he told me that he’d already promised his girlfriend to watch it with her. 2 weeks ago – I was afraid of asking him again, to mention his girlfriend and everything – he asked me out. Again.

Since my friends made me think about getting into a relationship with that guy, I’m overthinking it. I don’t know if we would be able to manage it. He lives like 3 hours away, so we’d just be able to meet at the weekends. But as he’s busy most of the weekends, that’d be really hard… and there is still that “I don’t want to ruin our friendship”-thing. I’m so lost. I know what I recommended to my friends whenever they were in a smiliar situation. Because once you start to think about your feelings, there definitely is more to it than you want to admit. And when there are feelings in a friendship, it never ends well.. like, either I’ll be broken because I try to hide my feelings, or I tell him and he rejects. So what the hell am I supposed to do? I really really really don’t want to lose him! He was my closest friend for the last 4 years, and he was (apart from another one) the only one who kept me going.

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4 comments

  1. I think you should keep things how they are, don’t force anything to happen but let it happen naturally … like how that post where you wrote about him looking at your lips… if he wants something our of this, more of those moments will come along hehe.

    I will be awaiting for more mr. cucu updates for sure!!

    1. I will.. there’s not much choice actually. I’m too shy when it comes down to taking the first step and well.. I really don’t want to ruin that friendship, so I’ll just keep going…

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